I wish my penis had an off switch
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
