Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
