They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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