I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
