96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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