In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
