I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
