I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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