I'm drive I can fine osifer
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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