You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
