i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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