Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
