Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
