I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
