the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
