this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
