dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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