I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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