Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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