Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
