I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
