Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
