I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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