I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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