i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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