His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
