i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come see our sink grown plant.
bring money and cleavage
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
