I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
