Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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