On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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