I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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