i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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