One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i now understand why vodka
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
