Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
