His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
