Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize