Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
