I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
