I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love you. Go after that dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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