The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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