I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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