I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
