Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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