Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
