yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You work out of a Hotel?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
