i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
