ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
