in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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