No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
