hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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