I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
