Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
