wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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