i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
