I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
