i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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