I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
