Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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