just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
