Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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