Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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