Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
