I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
