Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
