You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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