I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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