1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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