Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
