you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
