Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
