I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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