the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
