I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
