Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
