; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
