You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
