She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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